Good Morning!
One of the more insidious aspects of chronic pain for me, was a gradual withdrawal from my normal community of friends and activities. I turned inside, stopped reaching out and sharing my emotions, and myself with the world. I went into my cave and stayed there.
Given I was pretty active in the past, and could no longer go on long hikes, ski double black diamond slopes, or do many of the outdoor activities I once could do, many of my friends gradually drifted away.
Depending on my level of pain, I was not a great deal of fun to have around. In fact, I could be a royal bitch. My sciatic pain was like having a constant migraine headache that never stopped nagging at me. If someone had handed me a chain saw, I could have been tempted to remove that right leg at certain moments. ;}
And because the pain is invisible, people tend to forget it exists. I wish I could have- just for 5 minutes. My kids and ex husband got sick of carrying things for me everywhere we went and tolerating the strain of constant pain on my face. And I hated having to ask.
My ex husband( one reason he is an ex) became very exasperated and angry that we would have to leave social events early because my body was literally screaming in pain, no matter how many pain killers I took.
So I stopped going out, I avoided leaving my house, and I watched far too much TV to numb out. My world became smaller and smaller. I did not even realize it was happening, it was so gradual. Because my client base is world-wide, much of my coaching was by phone. I even stopped accepting new clients, and lost my passion for my work.
I did not share my pain, my fears or doubts about my chronic pain or back injuries with anyone. People got bored with hearing it, and I got bored telling the story- I still do!
When I went out, it was to the doctor appointmenst, for the 10th MRI, or physiotherapy if I was rehabbing from yet another surgery, or the pharmacy. I went deeply into my cave, and I was not coming out!
A close coaching friend noticed what I was doing and candidly confronted me on what she perceived was going on and we talked about the consequences if I continued to cave. I had been floating down the river of denial.
It was time to reach out and see if anyone else felt the way I did. I found many people with similar stories- I was not alone. For a long time, all I did was read the posts. I did not contribute, it just seemed to take too much energy. It took awhile for me to re engage in the world. I had gotten out of the habit.
Not only did people support me in my challenges- whether I posted or not, I found a plethora of new options about treatments, trials, articles and objective viewpoints on side effects and treatment options. It was a gold mine for me, and probably a life saver.
One of the best sites in my opinion is: http://www.spine-health.com. The forums were invaluable for me to connect with others. While the focus is on back related issues, so much of what is on the forum relates to other conditions. It became and still is a lifeline for me.
How to Connect with Others:
If your condition is outside of what is offered on that site, and there are many other good back pain related sites as well, get on the internet and see what legitimate sites exist that are relevant for your situation. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I caution you, however, about sites that seem to be selling a quick fix. See how many people are active in the forums and if the content is helpful to you.
Get out of the House:
I encourage you to get out of the house even if it to go shopping, for a brief walk, anything to get outside. I could manage shopping with a shopping cart to lean on at the beginning. I sat in coffee shops and talked with other people using the support of my coach.
I forced myself back into the world of people, it was uncomfortable at first. I talked to my supportive friends and let those "supposed friends" go with a blessing. I joined a support group. All of these are options. See what works for you.
My point is to do something... the first step is awareness. Are you isolating yourself? Is this making you happy, or helping you in your family relationships? Do you want to make a change? Take action, make a plan, create a support system, even if it one person. Take baby steps, and reward and acknowledge your courage and strength.
Please don't feel guilty if you have been isolating yourself, it is a very normal, common response. But you can step out and re-engage in the world. There are people who will be there for you. Again, you are not alone!
Warmly,
Wendy
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